I couldn't imagine myself anything but...

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall bringsWhether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Fad Reader
Book Snob
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

That I can't...

My mother's wedding is today. She has been waiting for a long time for this. Longer than just the time it took for the annulment to go come through. She has been longing for the companionship that she didn't get for many many years when still married to my father. She finally found the love and friendship she'd hoped for all her life.
When she got the news that the annulment came through I'm sure she was more than thrilled. I was thrilled for her. I wished I could have been there to give her a hug and share in the joy. But I couldn't. I live 922.83 miles away.
I chose to live here. I chose to move my family 922.83 miles away from the family that they loved. From the friends that they made. From the home that they had become familiar with. 922.83 miles away from SNOW! I miss the snow. I chose to move away, and I have to live with those choices. I want to come to the wedding, I want to share in the joy, I want to visit with my family who I miss terribly. But I can't. The timing couldn't be worse. We were just there visiting a couple months before the news of the annulment.
What most people don't understand is that we are not made of money. We moved here because of my husband's job. He did get a boost in pay as would anyone would to move that far and for the position. He did not however get an endless income. We have to save each year to come home. And some years past have gone up twice in one year. I don't mind so much that we do all the traveling. I don't mind so much that it is not convenient for anyone else to make the trip. I do understand that we all have our own lives and have to do what is best for our own families. We could have some very nice things, we could take some really nice trips. But we choose to use the money to go home.
Had we not been visiting just a couple months prior, I'd be at my mother's wedding now. I think of all the children, I want to be there most.
I'm not sad that I moved. I'm not sad that my mother is getting remarried. I am sad that as much as I want to, the fact is right now that I can't...

Thank you , God...

Thank you God for my beautiful family which includes my dear husband, my beautiful girls, and my two angels in Heaven.

My family who knew me first, my mother and her new husband. My dad who I don't get the chance to visit often but he is always on my prayer list). My Brothers and sisters and their spouses and children which I am especially thankful for. My siblings brought new friends to me (by way of spouses) who I may have never known otherwise.

My extended family, which my dear husband brought into my life, thank you God!

Of course Grandma-in-Florida for whom we are grateful to have in our lives.
For all out-of-state relatives, you have to really make the effort to keep in touch and I appreciate that more now than ever.

All my new friends, who I appreciate more now that I am away from my family.

And of course for the dog. This may sound strange but my dog is 11 years old and going strong. Those of you close enough to me know that my son died 11 years ago in November, therefore know how important a companion he is to me.

And to anyone and everyone who has touched my life in a way I most likely will never forget but may not post at this moment.

Thank you God for giving me life, I will do my best to make you proud!

I forgot!

I can't believe it. It is all she talked about for weeks. I even signed the permission slip. Then, I forgot. I was busily starting my day, washing dishes, vacuuming, and this morning I decided to give the dog a much needed bath. Although I don't think he'd admit it to anyone who can speak dog, I think he actually enjoyed it. I came back to the living room, started folding laundry and looked up at the clock.....when I saw the time 10:50 it hit me! Oldest daughters Parent Lunch at the school. I forgot. : ( They had to have it at 10:30 so that it wouldn't interrupt regular lunch schedules)

I normally don't forget these kinds of things, I am a stay at home mom (for the most part) so I really have no other plans that could get in the way of time with my kids, especially when invited by the school to have lunch with my kids. I just got caught up with chores. CHORES. Why did I get caught up with chores of all things?? I have vowed to never again be so obsessed with chores that I miss one of the kids events at school. I felt terrible!

When I realized what I had done I immediately went to the school hoping that maybe they were still eating. Meanwhile I got a phone call on my cell phone from one of the other moms asking where I was. They know I am the type of mom that always comes to these things. I told them I was on the way but they were just finishing. I had just enough time to hug my daughter and tell her how sorry I was that I missed it. She was ok with it, she was a little sad that I wasn't there but she said, "that's ok, mommy." I was more upset about the whole situation than she was. I told her I'd make it up to her, when actually there was nothing I could do. The other moms sat with her so that she wasn't alone but I SHOULD have been there.

That was the only thing I HAD to do today and I forgot.

Perpetual Adoration

The churches around here have started Perpetual Adoration. They have always had Eucharistic Adoration in the chapel on Sunday afternoons. I've wondered why they only reserved one hour, one day to this. I guess not everyone is doing it yet. I was pleased when I heard that three of the churches have gotten together for Perpetual Adoration. I was one of the first to sign up!! I didn't know just how much I would like it until I tried. Lucky for me they have mass afterwards and I attend Adoration then mass.......who knew!

The calm I get when I first walk in the room (if I can just get the danged digital lock to work and not have to interrupt someone else to open the door for me). I sit and pray, sometimes I talk to God, I know he is listening. I can just see the Angels looking down rejoicing that finally I took the hint and started doing more with my faith.

Everyone is so friendly, even when no words are spoken. There are about 6 of us in there (at least on Wednesday mornings) and I LOVE it. I feel like I get to talk to God, all by myself. As if we were sitting on the sofa of His living room, having coffee.....just hanging out.

Afterwards everyone says, "good morning, how are you today?" They all sound like they are genuinely interested in how you are. And after mass the chatter begins, the little ol' lady at the end talks to the lady putting the books away, the lector comes over and chats with her friends. Someone even came to me and said, "I've never seen you here before, welcome." We had a nice conversation. (The Perpetual Adoration is in the church down the road, not the one where my children attend school, otherwise everyone would know me!)

I am pleased to have "found" this hour and find myself wishing it were longer. Thank you God for opening this window of opportunity to me.

Have a great day!

The 11 year ache

Today is my son's 11th birthday in Heaven. He was born on this day 11 years ago and died one short breath later. A lot of you may know of this due to my dear friends' tribute, In Honor of Lucas at snoring scholar. It has been 11 years since I held my son, only after he had already gone to be with Jesus in Heaven. He was delivered by emergency c-section and only when I came to (they had to put the frantic mother under heavy anesthetic instead of just a local) did I get the chance to say goodbye. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to sit and write about my experience, one day when I have the time/energy to just let it all out.
I find that it is not only on his birthday that I get emotional but any day. It may be that I am picking up the kids from school and looking over at 5th grade and thinking I should be picking my son up from there. It may be that I am talking among friends dealing with boy problems that I should have similar experience. It may be that I am driving down the road minding my own business and hear a song on the radio and burst into tears. It's not just his birthday that I miss him, it is everyday.
I am not a basket case.....I have two beautiful girls that I am truly blessed to have. I also have another son in Heaven, for the same reasons. Dr's can't give a straight answer only that there were multiple problems. Some suggested a spinal disease, some a muscular one, still others listed things that I won't even try to pronounce! It just surfaces on his birthday, almost like I am allowed to grieve on this day.
It has been a good day, I did what I do everyday. I wake up, remind myself that this isn't a dream and realize what good God has brought into my life, including my two sons. I never understood why they say you should thank God, even for the "bad" things that happen in life. I still don't understand fully but I do thank God, for all things in my life, good and (what I think are) bad.
With God all things are possible.

The wizard....

I'm sure we've all seen the movie The Wizard of Oz, or at least heard of it. I was recently reading a book called, Finding Noel and in it was an analogy that was worth sharing.

"You know the part when Dorothy and her friends go to see the Wizard? This big, ominous head talks to them and they're all terrified. Then her dog..."
"Toto," I said.
"Right. Toto pulls back the curtain and there's a little man behind it pulling levers and throwing switches. And he says into his microphone, 'Ignore the man behind the curtain.' I think that being a parent is like being the man behind the curtain. We pretend that we know what we're doing--that we're omnipotent and all-knowing--when the truth is we're just back behind the curtain throwing levers and swithces, doing the best we can."


That sounds about right. Just as soon as I think I know what I am doing, I find out something new. We just have to do the best we can with what we have available at the time.

Lizards

Ok, I was born and raised in the North and the only lizards around are usually kept in cages. That is where they belong. That is where I can look at them and feel safe that they won't, oh I don't know, ATTACK me!!! Now, logically I know lizards won't attack, they want to be away from you more than you away from them. But now that I live in the south, I have become accustomed to having these creepy crawly's all around, that is until they make their way into my house!!
I came home from mass this morning to find my *scaredy* cat looking up at the picture window behind the television. Oh, he must want me to raise the blinds so that he can look out the window, I thought. So, I open the blinds and out jumps a lizard! I jumped and the cat went running. I should have let the cat take care of it had I known it was there. So, it's just me and the lizard.....I tried to explain to it I wanted it out of my house. He can climb all around the outside of my house, just not inside. Well, the lizard found it necessary to 'blend in' to everything it touched making it monumentally more difficult to find, let alone to get out the house.
I spent a good 45 minutes trying to catch the little booger in a trash can but to no luck. Finally I decided to let it go. I opened the window (the one without a screen) which is taking a big risk because the squirrels that run the fence line by the window might get in. Went about my business cleaning up after the crazy day yesterday. I went to pick up a pillow that fell onto the floor and there was the lizard, on the tv. I again jumped and this time the lizard froze in fear. If I didn't have such a problem with them I may have picked it up by its' tail and tossed it out the window but a couple years ago my (at the time) 4 year old picked one up and the tail fell off and the lizard went running, hopping actually.
So, it is me against the lizard. I can't get anything done, I only think of what if this lizard shows up while I am sleeping tonight or if it decides to jump in my dinner!!?? AARRGG!! I give up. I put the trash can by the television and went about my day, praying that the lizard might *want* to go in the trash can. Well, my plan worked only after about another hour though. I gingerly took the trash can outside and bid him farewell. Thank you God for lizards but thank you more for making them live outdoors, I don't know if I could ever live with one in my house.

What is a Layme?

Oldest daughter was having troubles getting to sleep so I checked on her *again* and she looked puzzled. I went through bedtime routine *again* and asked what was bothering her. She asked very simply, "Mom, what does layme mean?" I was trying hard to think of where she heard a word like that or maybe similar to that and maybe got the name of the word or context wrong. I asked her to tell me the word in a sentence and I'll try to help you. Her response:
"you know, Now I layme down to sleep."
Bless her heart, she's been saying that prayer most of her little life! I showed her the words of the prayer and she then understood. We have always said it, repeated it, rarely needing to look at the words.
A good lesson learned for me because how often do we repeat the words at mass, how often do we say the rosary and just say the words....I hope I always remember to KNOW the meaning as I am reciting the words. : )
Have a blessed Saints day!